HATE-LOVE

three four-lettered words which rule the world..
LUCK
WISH
LOVE


well i feel LOVE is the most INFLUENCING word here.. and it can turn your world over heels!! and still the mystery lies unfold why the world still runs behind this!!why do people ruin their life to get that,rather acheive that!!why does it change its course from a feeling to OBSESSION!! and why do people still for that hurt!! its one of the strongest feeling which makes you WEAK!!

GrapH

Growth-bar:


I ..............happy

I ..........................happy

I ............................happy

I .............................happy

I.................................. happy


perhaps this is the same story for all of us isnt it??

the song..

A note in my hand says:

"tere yadon mein rahoon
tere khwabon mein jagoon
mujhe dhunde jab koi
tere aankhon mein milun
jo bhi sanse main bharoon
unhe tere sang bharoon
chahe jo ho raastaan
use tere sang chaloon..

dil ibadat kar rahan hain
dhadkanein mere sun..
tujhko main karlu haasil
lagi hain yahi dhun.."


I love this song..so i penned it down on my palm..

just waiting for somebody to fill the spaces between my fingers..

Essence..

Well writing a thankyou letter for you is very difficult.. not because there are too many things but because there are a very less no. of things that I can rule out!!
This girl was unknown to me for 18 years of my life.. till i met her in delhi. I knew her by her face.. and I knew her sister very well and her brother was a bit known to me.
One fine evening discovered a new face in our PG;53-D,Vikaspuri.. as usual, I ,the bigmouth went and started my setof questioners.. she answerd them all with all her patience. I found strange how can somebody stay so quiet and behave so properly??(later I was told, I had made her head ache very badly with my questions..).. she was from my colony..so the brotherhood or rather sisterhood was invisibly strong..

Days passed as our friendship grew.. discovered just within a few days..she wasn’t quiet with her friends.. and by that time I had gained entry in her list of friends.. she was in JR-26 so our class timings didn’t match.. we met in the evenings.. in either of our rooms..

Things started changing from December with the entry of a significant person in our topics.. the ambience changed a lot.. but we didn’t forget our pieces of fun.. my each step by that time was under the scrutiny of my best friend then.. she wasn’t my friend, but my mother.. and thanks she was there I restrained myself from a list of mischeifs.. though she knew each of them..

Perhaps her life changed a lot on 21st feb.. and thankfully I was a part on that.. but she didn’t change a bit..our exams were imminent and the heart beats were soaring with a huge rate of progression.. but we didn’t miss our part of fun.. nights were incomplete without her series of jokes and my bizarre laughter!!!! Followed by the reactions from the neighbours!!

Exams got over..and our happy days start though they were for a while.. the time between the CBSE-PRELIMS and the RESULTS were perhaps the most unforgettable days of our life.. it ranged from movies to mandirs to khana banana(@maggi) and khilana to a hell lot of things..
Yes we fought..two times.. it was cute though!! The reason was something very stupid which I have forgotten . but the “manana” part was same.. Archies and Sorry card!!!!! I really miss this part!!

Days of departing were coming near.. and perhaps the end of a very beautiful tale too!!
And then finally we headed off.. I came back to kolkata and she went back to MP..

Nothing changed till date except the frequencies of our meetings!! She is right now in Pune doing her MBA.. madam is very busy these days but then also managed to write a very beautiful testimonial for me.. even today i know she will come down at any moment i ask her.. she knows about each move of mine and till date i get good doses of scoldings from her.. but i really love those..PRICELESS
Well dear I want to wish you luck in every step u make,in every breath u take..coz, u are one of the most precious treasure of my life which I want to cherish throughout my life..
I got your sms now, and you made me so nostalgic that I sat and wrote this for you..

By the way her name is KHUSBOO she really spreads the sweet smell of happiness whrever she goes..


I call her KHUSH.. because she had always made me that.. love you dear!!!!!

miss. useless.....

i claim to be versatile...o please can you stop it shramana, today ma asked me to simmer the gas-oven... i turned it to the opposite side!!!!! the bhat got burnt.....
my 10 yr old sister also knows how to do it.....
embarassed!!!!!!

steps....

Post G-Talk..

well its too dark outside.. but i am helpless. i am unable to sleep!! thanks to u!!!! u must have slept i know.. i envy my sleep.. hah!! well i want to talk to you.. just want you to arrange some jumbled up sentences.. dont worry ,its easy.. easier than arranging the jumbled events of my life..

well i want to keep on staring at the night sky tonite..

the seven stars are shining a bit more brightly today.. perhaps, they are resting too..

carezz and smiless....

TP

ma says..i am unique.. i know.. not as unique like Auro(of Paa)!! well, if i intend to write down a blog on each of my thoughts that i harbour throughout the day..blogger.com would go crazzzzyyy!! so i am in for a bit of social service[:)]
i really want to meet somebody who complements my energy.. one who can waste as much time as i waste..by either staring on the blue screen of the tv for hours,or looking the sun set throughout the evening!!

its nice actually.... to be a bit different..
smilesssssss.......

placed

well subho got a job!! he called me up at 8.in the morning!! i am happy for him.. we have been good friends for long now!hd been my inevitable  ,100kms away in kolkata, who used to make me live and smile in bankura!! i remember even in my present college..i used to talk to him in between every break..even in the dissection room!!hah!!scary! well,he had promised me to gift me ,that wristlet that i chose in syndicate jwellers!! long way still..but one step ahead.. i wish him good luck for his future..

forwarded yet nice..

i want you frends to read this story..

Ant And Grasshoper

the Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *Indian Version* The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhat Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.* Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance). Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demandinga Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services. The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'. Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '. CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden ' Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly. **Many years later....** The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley , 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India , AND As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country.


PS:-although this shows a poor image of India, but the fact is that it is true. We don't acknowledge hard work of a person, we provide reservation to poor & helpless, this does not make them rich & happy, it rather makes them more lazy & those who are known as hardworking category of people they are denied of many oppourtinities which they deserved. Our politicians try to extract more & more votes by taking sides of poor & lazy. It is not so that reservation is bad but till what extent? 50% in premier academic instutions is that by any way justifiable. pls pass it on if think Indian senario needs to change, hardworking people deserve better than what they are getting now in India

Study-Leave

Well, I am in home.. each morning is very beautiful over here.. it too cold actually..and I am down wd cold.. mamma is taking a good care of mine.. and about studies… well I need to remove the “TV” the “COMP” and the mesmerizing “balcony”.. each activity here jogs my memory of my blog and develops an inimitable want to inscribe down that event appropriately.. Well some expressions are incomprehensible.. like what I felt in the morning when my father said that he wanted to take a month or two’s holiday and come and rest over here in mp.. he seems to hate that place I know..dhanbad..
Know what.. we all are basically homesick kinds..
Its so even though I enjoy my life to the brim, deep down I miss these people very badly.. its been 5years almost I am out my home.. still, ain’t able to adjust amidst the fastidious world..
Latest inborn emotion in me is that I am learning to hold on my intense sentiments against undeserving people.. my mother keeps on taunting me for my interactions with that fool.. anyhows.. I am fine now.. I need to indulge in self confidence course.. I don’t think external sources of your intimate feelings lasts longer.. well I respect friends who think I can do.. I can survive.. I want their support to build myself.. to self-construct my strength..

Well I am once again in love with my bed, my pillow and my teddy bear-printed frilled cozy blanket.. I seem to miss it very badly in the last two winters….and it’s the underlying etiology of my sleeping sickness..
Happy winters friends…..

idea-launched in bengal..

Before starting this post I had a thousand things to pen down.. but when I opened the text I was feeling much bottled up.. I deleted the first sentence five times.. anyways.. I am fine.. as I am predicting myself to be.. well, two days back I went to SCM. My phone’s still not done.. ooopppssss I am missing my cell so badly!!!! I enjoyed a lot that day.. well I am not going into the extensive account.. its just the succinct expression.. I normally hate having ice-creams.. but that day I enjoyed it ..i was surprised myself.. I don’t know it was the ice-cream flavor or the company!!
Well some ideas have inspired me a lot off lately..not with thoughts or advices.. buut with zeal and confidence!! He says its good to be confident.. I don’t know how much of the confidence bug do I hold.. well ya in some things I am confident..like I know I can be agood daughter, I know I can be a good sister.. I know I can be polite with elders.. I know I cant hurt others knowingly..i know I cant fight..but I also KNOW I am WEAK.. I need a support.. and now I want to study coz I want to be confident.. thanks!!yet another in the list you see!!
Lots of pending work ctually.. giving the exams.. going back home.. and reading
2 STATES!! I wont start the book till I give my exams..and I don’t want to fail in promises..

“


smiles…. All through the space ..to fill up gaps.. I hope… and just anticipate..

insignificant..

my exams are just a few days away.. and i have again become addicted to orkut!! i want to study but am not able to!! each day my schedule fails.. am tired of staring at the running hands of the wall clock!! i am not well.. lost around 6kgs over the past few months..

smitten by the bad habit of becoming nostalgic.. i dont know why do i waste so much time in thinking about the past..attending phone calls and smsing.. and why dont i forget stupid old things??

i dont know how long i will be able to stay away from orkut but i will try.. i promise to myself..to all of yyou.. more the number of days.. greater the number of chocolates that i will gift myself..

by the way.. abir gifted me a bournville that day.. it was fantastic..thankyou..

anyways..

Adieu..

clip art..

i need many pages to jot down.. itz not d tym i know.. its 1.15am now!! anyways.. just wanted to write about my feelings towards my kohl pencil.. recently i have RE-fell in love with my three year old kohl pencil.. its cap is almost broken..but i still love it.. everytime i apply it i feel nice.. i dont know why but i feel a bit more complete.. its a stupid feeling i know..

i know i will get wierd thoughts for the next 1 month till my exams are over.. i am going to to develop feelings for many oother inanimaate objects near by..
thank GOD.. i dont have any psychos near me now!!

amlori..

i passed D-1 yesterday with a speed of 40 kmph.I was stopped by my fanatical emotions.. R. K Banerjee uncle used to live here.. shweta didi and mini..(by the way mini was a cute white furry poodle.) each morning from my school bus, when I used to pass their house, used to wave them good bye..i used to often visit them..they were our family friends.. kaku and kakima used to adore me..coz I was peppy and filled with energy.. the bus stand was just beside their house where our “mini bus” used to stand.. I hated driver uncle..coz he complained to papa saying” aapki beti badi shaitan hain.. bus mein shanty se nahi baithti hain..” papa said..”bachhe badmashi nahi karenge to kya aap karenge??” I was happy that day..

Ayush used to stay beside shweta didi..he was my batchmate and my rakhi brother.. frequencies to shweta didi’s house increased when ayush was visited by my another batchmate “vimarsh”..

The club lies behind D-1.. I love the ambience over there.. its beautiful.. there was a rose garden inside where we four or five girls used to steal roses.. those flowers were fated to go to our respective flower-pots.. but the furious gardener was fun to handle.. we heard he bathed twice a year!!

I am in amlori now.. and I am badly missing those days.. I will leave tomorrow back to the hell again!!!! I don’t know why I am still ot able to adjust.. its almost two and a half year!! I don’t know why I do I still miss every small thing of this place..
The roses are still growing..

Searching..

The only thing constant about life is “change”.. understandings change each second ..with perhaps every heart beat.. I used to feel a lot different about me,about him,about her.. about a different her..its changing drastically.. I have always trusted people even after a sour ending. even after a fight..even after everything perhaps.. But why don’t they change????? Rather why don’t I change!!!!! Why do I keep on expecting that she’ll change!!
She has again hurted me....she does smile when she comes..but she bitches again at my back!!
He has also changed rather my feelings have grown mature.. I now know what love is all about.. its complex. Its mystified.. Its inexplicable..
I am a bit dynamic now..# called me up that day to say he’ll try to be the AMAN MATHUR of KAL HO NA HO….i blindly trusted.. yet again.. but now I know he cant be..coz he is another soul.. surviving to explore new ventures..
I am back home again.. they said they needed some passport verifications.. regarding my identity..
I went to the court today.. I went to the police station to prove I am SHRAMANA BAGCHI.. I stammered.. They have called me tomorrow, again..
Have I lost myself????

hmmmm

why are my emotions playing pranks with me???? why are my dreams making me scare?? why am i keeeping mum on each of the oocaasions where i earlier used to shout?? why am i becoming the lost soul??


what is the simple way of stopping the incessant war between your mind and your heart????? i am a peace lover.... then why are things happening this way with ME......

Its been almost two moths now that I m being enclosed in his memories.. I realize his earnest efforts in helping me to sustain on cloud 9.. He has been my oxugen supply undoubtedly.. and keeps being so.
Life has moved on.. This time on a different asphalt road..i mean d cement is no longer our will..
Whatever..
I want to thankyou .. for being a bit more than my fancy..
I want to enjoy today..
Coz, today is a GIFT…..and that’s why we call it “PRESENT”

2005-06

I love the “wo lamhe” track from the movie ZEHER.. its better than the original track..

Missing some moments.. I was in Delhi for a year to take coaching for getting into this crap… this movie was released during those days.. I never watched the movie.. but its songs were always a stress busters during those sleepless and frustrating nights!! Used to sit amidst millions of book, surrounded by trillions of problems and 0 solutions!!!! Nostalgic moments..

It was 53-D..the preliminary for……some indelible episodes.. of life..

Each night we used to be awake till 3 or 4am!! Khushboo used to come in my room for some jokes!!(the PJs!!) we used to laugh like mads.. and tommy k papa used to shout from his house!! Once so happened Deepak bhaiya called up on the intercom at 3.30am or so to say..”shramana ko dheere hasne bolo plz” I continued laughing and ended up in tears!!!!

Had a boys PG just behind ours!! They always used to mimic us,I remember!! But we never showed any interest..(they were not worth showing,NON-AAKASHIANS ,u see!!) pradyumn and ajit used to live nearby.. with pradyumn shouting rubbish at 4 in the morning!!(nishu isme meri koi galti nahi thi yaar!!)

Remember had bhupesh bhaiya doing all the domestic works.. His mother was a maniac. She was allowed to stay in Deepak bhaiya’s house. In return she had to was the students’ clothes.. and his son did all the Tiffin delivering works.. Felt sorry a number of times.. But what could we do! Deepak bhaiya was a !@!#$$%#...grrrrrr

I remember sumit..(the MR)he used to stay in the ground floor…mr. attitude.. don’t know what he used to think about himself..

Abhishek’s PG was a bit far from ours..but still he didn’t miss khushboo k haath ka bana hua MAGGI!! And mr. padhaku(@NISHU) also was a part of that.. we four were a group.. we have spent very limited moments together.. but those were for eternity..

AAKASH was not very far from our PG..Classes were very good. Teachers were an epitome of knowledge.. Still regret for not having CHAWLA ma’am..but AGRAWAL sir and BOTANY sir were too much as the compensation.. They are…. GOD!!!!

Never got a chance to revisit them after I got into medical.. Wish I meet them someday. Want to thank them selflessly..

Three years have passed that experience. I hate Delhi.. People are merciless over there I know..

But I don’t know why I still miss the RAJMA CHAWAL..

I still miss the rickshaw trip to the UTI atm..

I still miss the achhe wale uncle ka shop in the shopping market…

I still miss the JUICE centre…

I still miss the fights and going-to-archies for a sorry card thing..

I still miss peeping into shavya lamba’s house..

I still miss the evening walk in the park..

I still miss visiting the Thursday market..

I still miss DC..

I still miss Mc D at the PVR..

And the most I MISS that chaar lagaon ka adda!!!!!!!!

Wo lamhe ,

wo baatein koi na jaane…

ye kaisi raatein…. Barsaatein…

wo bheegi bheegi yaadein…

Perhaps this is the most ideal song at this moment…

Some secrets are still under covers….they have mummified..

I care..

My net sucks!!i just hate it..i wanted to post this on 24th feb itself..but thanks to my net!!
Was having another journey from howrah to singrauli(this is where I get down..). was alone. it was ac 3 tier..was hoping for some shahid type guy to land.(.courtesy :jab we met
PS-however it never happens!!)
I was in the top berth..was very busy with my new book(Above Average. the only book that I bought from book fair)
It was 9.30. I was planning to have my dinner.. All of a sudden saw some people crowded,a part of the chaos, beneath my seat. There was an uncle in orange t-shirt and an elderly lady .she was alertly searching something.. sideways below there was this person.he was a surd..(let him be MR. A) I didn’t understand what was going on as the volume of my ipod overrid the conversation..i paused for a minute or two.. understood that A was shifting to the (uncomfortable) middle berth.diagonally my seat..to exchange his seat with that lady. She blessed A. I felt nice and resumed to my song..
That orange t-shirt uncle brought his wife, who appeared sick. She was to be shifted in that seat..actually. She was very delightful having got a lower berth. After my failed efforts of preventing myself to be the part of that discussions, I ended up in asking “do you have a fracture at your back???” I saw the belt she was wearing.. Ma used to wear it also after her fracture.. She replied “no, its an infection..” wasn’t able to hear the name clearly. After having her settled, the atmosphere was quiet now..

I was in a new confusion..my temperament was telling my mind of THANKING “A” for his sweet gesture..i thought.. a mere appreciation would encourage him further for doing these small chores which really matter a lot..this was what my conscience said.. but my hidden fears made its entry…I started thinking.. what if the other passengers started thinking that I was flirting?? After all I was alone.. What if mr. “A” himself thought the same?? What if I made a fool of myself?? What if….
Erroneous questions started a turmoil inside my head..
Tired and exhausted I felt asleep….my hidden fears had already won over my conscience. It was celebrating its triumph in peace..

Next morning.. I saw the empty middle berth.. I realized how I prevented myself from adding fuel to the lamp of reverence ..

I wish one day we are able to curb all the fears and interact freely with all..it induces unity within us….
‘JAY HO!!’

the EPISODE..

Its new year again..just like last year.. wished my friends ov’r the phone the same clichéd manner..my younger cousin said.”didi whats so happy about this new year??” I had no answers. Just a sway of thoughts ran over my mind. Wish could make it “HAPPY” for her..even when m under a stack of tribulations…..
Life has somersaulted with an unique degree in the last one month..i have no clue about how it landed from a speck of fun to a plethora of bewilderment .. I just am totally astounded.. I never wished this I never ever hoped this.. I felt helpless.. I felt as if I am alone under the night sky and the stars mocking at me.. Life perhaps sarcastically started playing many jokes on me..i had to face all that.. I had to take the same old smile on my face and experience those acerbically harsh situations.. Life is sooooo difficult at times..
I came back home to have my new birth coz I was a statue when I arrived..i had no emotions except my eternal tears[I am very good at that..u frenz know!!].. I had to start afresh once again.. This December trip to amlori is my most cherished trip..i could sense I’m growing up..i could feel my emotions piling up within my body.. my anger being disarrayed yet bottled in….my feelings flowing down incessantly... I could experience it ALL ..i told my ma about all the happenings ov’r the last month.. She was furious at first.. but some one has truly said ”mothers are one’s BEST FRIEND”..she made me realize my mistakes.. She didn’t point fingers at anyone but just explained the gravity of the situation. She explained me how should I have been all these while.. she explained me…in short… “the CARICATURE OF LIFE…”..i just love her…wish this new year be very special for my parents….
Tomorrow again I have to return to that atrocious place..but this time I am with a confidence..i know who I AM..and so I know what to do.. and why should I devote my valued time for all the “ANTI SOCIAL ELEMENTS?????”
I just have one resolution this year..i will not TRUST anybody.. because
“you cannot always TRUST the person whom you LOVE..
But you always LOVE the person whom you….TRUST..”



Hope this new year is marvelous for all of you people..