amlori..

i passed D-1 yesterday with a speed of 40 kmph.I was stopped by my fanatical emotions.. R. K Banerjee uncle used to live here.. shweta didi and mini..(by the way mini was a cute white furry poodle.) each morning from my school bus, when I used to pass their house, used to wave them good bye..i used to often visit them..they were our family friends.. kaku and kakima used to adore me..coz I was peppy and filled with energy.. the bus stand was just beside their house where our “mini bus” used to stand.. I hated driver uncle..coz he complained to papa saying” aapki beti badi shaitan hain.. bus mein shanty se nahi baithti hain..” papa said..”bachhe badmashi nahi karenge to kya aap karenge??” I was happy that day..

Ayush used to stay beside shweta didi..he was my batchmate and my rakhi brother.. frequencies to shweta didi’s house increased when ayush was visited by my another batchmate “vimarsh”..

The club lies behind D-1.. I love the ambience over there.. its beautiful.. there was a rose garden inside where we four or five girls used to steal roses.. those flowers were fated to go to our respective flower-pots.. but the furious gardener was fun to handle.. we heard he bathed twice a year!!

I am in amlori now.. and I am badly missing those days.. I will leave tomorrow back to the hell again!!!! I don’t know why I am still ot able to adjust.. its almost two and a half year!! I don’t know why I do I still miss every small thing of this place..
The roses are still growing..

Searching..

The only thing constant about life is “change”.. understandings change each second ..with perhaps every heart beat.. I used to feel a lot different about me,about him,about her.. about a different her..its changing drastically.. I have always trusted people even after a sour ending. even after a fight..even after everything perhaps.. But why don’t they change????? Rather why don’t I change!!!!! Why do I keep on expecting that she’ll change!!
She has again hurted me....she does smile when she comes..but she bitches again at my back!!
He has also changed rather my feelings have grown mature.. I now know what love is all about.. its complex. Its mystified.. Its inexplicable..
I am a bit dynamic now..# called me up that day to say he’ll try to be the AMAN MATHUR of KAL HO NA HO….i blindly trusted.. yet again.. but now I know he cant be..coz he is another soul.. surviving to explore new ventures..
I am back home again.. they said they needed some passport verifications.. regarding my identity..
I went to the court today.. I went to the police station to prove I am SHRAMANA BAGCHI.. I stammered.. They have called me tomorrow, again..
Have I lost myself????